Mel.
There are a few things I can say;let alone write.
Deep in me there is still a place for you.yet,I don't know what exactly it is for.I feel many things,all of which only bring up my desperate feelings of loss.I lost my family Mel,and I wonder if that has any affect on you?
I never wanted this,not this for any reason.I wish I had all the perfect words but,the world isn't perfect.nor is it fare.You can read all my blogs,and see the scrambled mess my mind was just this past year.
I'm happy you have found completeness in your work,and in your self.I just don't think that it should have cost you or me any of this grief.I hope that the good bread will continue to be good to you.
I hope that in our separation,life can become livable for me,and clear to you.I still hope that we can become one again,and if we never were,that we can be.We should be happy.And I should learn to let you go.
Its not that I don't wish you to be happy,its that my happiness was synonymous to you.In my want for a better tomorrow,I fear if this would bring an end to today.
I love you.I have for a million years I have.But I have to go.I cant keep hurting my son this way,and I cant expect you to love someone as angry as I am.The last time we had an argument Aaron asked me to stop.I was honest when I told him that I was sorry for putting him through this,and I am.I am ashamed of my lack of control and lack of stability toward you and My greatest works of art.My boy.I cant continue like this.So I go.
Me.