so my wife said,our marriage is the only ''aspect'' in her life shes unhappy with.aspect.funny she sees our marriage as an aspect and i see it as our lives.so i guess that can tell me more than i can say.its over.were just going through the motions.maybe i should judt go ahead and be with some one else.what would she care.really?

when we got married.that day it was cold.januaries usualy are i guess.you took a walk with your girlfriends and i felt some what abandoned.i was upset and angry but i sucked it up because,i was going to wed with you.you,the living enbodyment of my dreams.at last iwas going to make you into an honest woman.so here we are.2 years alter and were in danger.i never knew this would go down as it did.not in my mind at least.but the heart knew.so i denied it to myself.belived my farytail of never me,never us.but yes.it did happen.i want to be inlove.though it may not be with you.maybe it will.i cant tell.i can say that iam in love with you.for 5 years i was in love like the very first time.today.it ain so.i'm inlove with you.but its been damaged.its with conditions.you had all my unconditionals.and you wasted it.so,where will we go.i'm not sure.but i want to be inlove.really inlove.

so,our second session of theropy.and i felt i was stiffled.as if all i wanted to say was not said.shit.i'm not so sure any more i want this relationship.i'm notso sure it will work.her track record is something to think about.i dont want to be influenced though.not at all.i love her,but am i still in love with her? i just want to be happy and as i see it i'm not very happy now.who knows what the next day will be like.but today,its very sad.

i cant love as i did.know i'm loveing with my brains.if things dont change i'm gone.because if i saty in this as is.i will always be hurt by her.she has to change.if not i have to go.

some one told me i should try and start to create to turn a negative into a positive.so i started write songs.i can think in melody so its easy for me.all these songs are directed toward my wife.obviously this woman inspires good in me and also bad.so i guess shes here to teach me.i'm learning.who knows where we are headed.all i know is its going to be a rough ride.something good has to come of all this.i will continue theropy and song writeing.maybe i'll record them on a cd and perform.its all good if that happends.i want her to really undertsand what it is that i feel.not to take it for granted,and to see what damages are done.so that maybe if we remain or split up she will never forget how messed up things get when love is left out of the equation of two people who suposed to be in love.