dear Mel.
i have given this some thought.in actuality you made this decision for me.I am going to divorce you,why?
because you have taken me for granted is why.many times over.like i was nothing or no one to you.
so,i figured.why stay with someone you don't want.
i think i have fallen out of love with you.your simply not the same person that i once loved.so i want out.
i don't ever want to see you again.if you wish you can do one of two things.
1.you can leave and never return and leave my son and i alone.or.
2.you can leave and take my son with you.and never return.when he is of age he can decide weather or not he wants to see me.the bottom line is simple,i don't want anything to do with you,ever again.if you choose 1 then of course you can visit and see him as much as you wish.i just wont be there.or if you choose 2.then i can send you child support payments because its not him that i don't want.its you.
you have done everything but leave me.so i figured one of us should.
you hurt me more than any one has ever,and i don't trust you nor love you.so before i hate you i think we should just et go for ever.
i can write down all the things you have done,but what good is that?
you know all that you did.guilty or not your guilt was not strong enough to make you stop.that tells me a lot.so maybe you will be happy with some one else.why stay? just to use me up and in an eventuality hurt me again in yet a way that i have yet to feel? how cruel can you be?
and why would you be,was i ever cruel to you?

so now i'm sleeping outside of the house on some nights.i wish i could do it more consistantly but of course there are some draw backs.i dont know.this whole seperation thing is kind of silly.like were all acting in a bad soap opera.its unreal.the longer i saty away the longer i want to stay away.we dont fight any more but,were not really talking either.not that i dont want to,just that i have little to say.i dont want to stur things with mel.i refuse another argument.and i'm tired of reliving all the stuff we have been through.i just want to get better.

I am not My self.In a word Iam weak.Weak and why?
Because I have alowed my sef to be used.
I know I am stronger than all thsi but look at the cituation i find myself in.
I am but a shadow of whom I once was.
Really who am I kidding here.only fooling myself.
Wasnt always this way.I had strength.I had a soul once.
I've alowed to be dragged around for nothing.for laughs.
Its ok.Nothing lasts for ever...

am i suicidal? i mean what the fuck was that gun stunt the other day? what the hell was i doing?
i had no emotion.no feelings i guess.no wonder mel hates me.

so,i guess i can take this seriously or i can take it as a juvenile attempt at some sort of self affirmation.so if your single now.where does that leave us.and why am i here?