so now i'm sleeping outside of the house on some nights.i wish i could do it more consistantly but of course there are some draw backs.i dont know.this whole seperation thing is kind of silly.like were all acting in a bad soap opera.its unreal.the longer i saty away the longer i want to stay away.we dont fight any more but,were not really talking either.not that i dont want to,just that i have little to say.i dont want to stur things with mel.i refuse another argument.and i'm tired of reliving all the stuff we have been through.i just want to get better.

I am not My self.In a word Iam weak.Weak and why?
Because I have alowed my sef to be used.
I know I am stronger than all thsi but look at the cituation i find myself in.
I am but a shadow of whom I once was.
Really who am I kidding here.only fooling myself.
Wasnt always this way.I had strength.I had a soul once.
I've alowed to be dragged around for nothing.for laughs.
Its ok.Nothing lasts for ever...

am i suicidal? i mean what the fuck was that gun stunt the other day? what the hell was i doing?
i had no emotion.no feelings i guess.no wonder mel hates me.

so,i guess i can take this seriously or i can take it as a juvenile attempt at some sort of self affirmation.so if your single now.where does that leave us.and why am i here?