i dont know exactly how i can explain what i feel.but i feel unhinged i guess.i dont know how to hold on.its not stress,i know how that feels to me.its more like being at the verge,all the time.i want to just die.end all this shit and go.fuck it all.fuck it.i'm not too sure whats going to happen to me.or whats happened all ready.i'm different.and i cant seem to change that.i did not want this.but i got it.and all are happy except me.

some one comented me.i deleted by mistake your eamil address.thanx for reacing out.please feel free to contact me.i hope to speek with you.

i have this feeling that to some point something malignant and spiritual had or has invaded us.we are still trying i guess.mel has actualy cuddled with me the night before last.and i dont believe dispite it all that she wants total seperation from me.this gives me some hope.but i dont want false hope.i'm being careful.also,i feel that at some times we were not us but maybe influenced by something really eveil in this house.are we victoms of real evil? i just dont know.not really.

to excape his influence is become almost impossible.it seems that shes still some how reminded of him.his name keeps popping up.his ora is here.though i dont know this man i feel i do some how.why cant he be silenced or cut out of my life for ever? why is he so important that he still is in the picture? i hate him. and all that is to do with him.the bastard is still some place where i belong.if i could i'd erase him from the face of the earth.to never be seen again.i'm sick of jay longshore! i hope he dies!

mel anounces she wants out.mel goes on a date with a local band and tries to pass it ass just a night out with her friend.she was out with a guy and hid it.oh well.i guess i want out too.am i angry.nah.just disapointed that its happening as it is.maybe she really does hate me.but wich ever the case.i'll be glad this shit is over.