i have this sinking suspition that its not as over as she says it is between her lover and her.funny,she cant seem to see how much i love her.shes indiferent and yet she thinks the world for him.well.why should i be waisting my time here? i think the only reason shes still here is because thers no other place to go for her.well,i wont put her out on the street,though maybe she deserves that.but what do i have here really but a broken heart and a wife that loves a nother.though i carry in me love for her it si not the same as to say iam in love with her.i dont think i can love someone who clearly does not love me back.really who cares if she still feels for this guy.in the end all that will happenis that she'll make him hate her too.eventualy the only person she thinks of is her self,that will never change i guess.shes a bad person who does good things from time to time.so well i guess this is the begining of the endhere.she wont admit it but,i know its mutual.i bet some years from now shell come back and try agian with me.maybe by then i wont car to be with her any more.

well.she said she was afraid to leave becausse i'd fall apart.wow i guess she doesnt belive in my stength.she wants to go.i assume because she hates it here so much.she resents me.i guess the afair was because she wanted to see the grass and how green it really is on the other side.for all that just go.why does she has to prolong this/ i guess its in her best intrest.yet again manipulating and scmeamimg to get her way no doubt.well i guess i shall see what happens when the 9 sessions are done with.who knows what else she will say.

i have a billion questions and a billion more unanswered shit.well i think its becomeing a thingof pros and cons.i think the cons are winning.i dont think iam inlove any more.not like i used to be.so,i think divorce is iminant.what will happen come aug 9th? wow.

so my wife said,our marriage is the only ''aspect'' in her life shes unhappy with.aspect.funny she sees our marriage as an aspect and i see it as our lives.so i guess that can tell me more than i can say.its over.were just going through the motions.maybe i should judt go ahead and be with some one else.what would she care.really?

when we got married.that day it was cold.januaries usualy are i guess.you took a walk with your girlfriends and i felt some what abandoned.i was upset and angry but i sucked it up because,i was going to wed with you.you,the living enbodyment of my dreams.at last iwas going to make you into an honest woman.so here we are.2 years alter and were in danger.i never knew this would go down as it did.not in my mind at least.but the heart knew.so i denied it to myself.belived my farytail of never me,never us.but yes.it did happen.i want to be inlove.though it may not be with you.maybe it will.i cant tell.i can say that iam in love with you.for 5 years i was in love like the very first time.today.it ain so.i'm inlove with you.but its been damaged.its with conditions.you had all my unconditionals.and you wasted it.so,where will we go.i'm not sure.but i want to be inlove.really inlove.